Surrender
by gleefully-finchel
Summary: Takes place as Finn puts Rachel on the train to New York. Follows the story of Rachel at NYADA and Finn trying to find his future. - A Finchel One Shot


It all happened so quickly that Rachel barely had time to register the sadness she was feeling. Or the confusion. She knew the moment he said that word that there was no fighting him. _Surrender_. She was not raised to surrender and no matter what Finn thought, she was not going to surrender to fate. When Rachel Berry wanted something, she fought until it was hers. She loved the idea of destiny and soul mates and she truly believed that Finn was hers, but she was not about to leave her future with Finn up to some cosmic universe. But she knew there was nothing she could say to stop him from putting her on that train. So she let him. She let him walk her past her friends, her teacher, she let him stand there as she waved goodbye, her hand pressed against the glass. She let him run alongside the train until he was finally gone from her view. In a way, she guessed she did surrender.

He needed her to go. He needed her to get on the train and be everything he knew she would become. _Surrender_. It wasn't in her vocabulary. It went against everything she believed, but he needed her to do it. He had no place in New York. His failed attempts at trying to escape fate were only more reasons for him to believe that he had a greater purpose. Maybe the reason his dreams didn't come to him were because he hadn't earned them yet. Sure he fought his way through high school, won a football championship, got engaged to an amazing girl, won nationals, and lived up to his high school hero status. But it wasn't enough. Not if his father was still a life loser. How could he move on, leave Lima, without showing that his father was a hero too?

The first few weeks were hard, but Rachel was pretty demanding. He tried to break contact with her. He didn't want to break up with her, knew he couldn't call it that or Rachel would end up back on a train to Lima.

"If I'm staying in New York then there has to be ground rules." He remembered the conversation like it happened yesterday. She talked for a good five minutes before he was able to cut in. "First rule, we are not breaking up."

"But Rach, if we…" He tried to get a word in but she immediately cut him off.

"Finn. I'm talking right now and you are listening. If you don't accept my rules, I'm coming back home this instant." He knew he had to believe her, Rachel was nothing if not stubborn. "First rule, this is not a break up, I am still wearing my engagement ring and if you think that little gem is coming off my finger then you don't remember the girl who walked onto a football field despite certain death just so that you could play that barbaric game."

Finn had to laugh. Her determination was one of the reasons he fell in love with her to start with.

"Rule number two. Because this is not a break up you are not allowed under any circumstance to think about or engage in any activities that would look like or seem like you were interested in another girl. To be fair, I will follow that same rule for the guys here in New York."

Finn had no interest in dating another girl. The thought had never crossed his mind. He was doing this for his father, not to get away from Rachel. "Rach, I never said I wanted to…" He heard her clear her throat and stopped mid sentence.

"Rule number three. Under no circumstance will you send me any pictures of you bald. That is something I'm not certain I can handle right now. I've been trying to picture you looking like Puck and frankly Finn, it scares me."

Finn chuckled loudly. "Ok no bald pictures. Is that all?"

She sighed into the phone. "Just that I'm going to miss you so much. And I'm not happy about this, but if it's what you have to do, then just find your way back to me safely."

"I love you so much Rachel Berry."

He remembered the long pause on the other end, the silence almost louder than her voice as he waited for her to say something back. The soft gulp that he heard instead gave him nightmares for days. Knowing that tears were falling down her face as she whispered. "I love you too Finn."

It had been six days. Six days since she last heard his voice. The last she had heard from him he was going down to talk to a recruiter. Nothing since, not even a text message for almost a week. Maybe that was how it worked though. Maybe when you sign up for the military they just take you away right there. It made her sad, thinking about Finn in the Army. She didn't want that. She didn't want to imagine him fighting in a war. It didn't matter what kind of amazing songs she could sing at his bedside if he got hurt. She just wanted him with her, safe.

"Miss Berry, how many times are you going to drift off in the middle of our conversation?" Her head snapped up to the direction of her mentor, Kate.

"Sorry, I'm here. I mean, I'm paying attention." She nodded and looked back down at the piano as they discussed the song she would be performing at her first class recital.

NYADA was tough. Everyone around her was talented. It wasn't like McKinley where she was the star and everyone else just swayed behind her. She was the norm. Finn would tell her that she was special. That she was a star and she would shine here but she still wasn't sure how.

"Rachel this song is ordinary. Sometimes when you want to stand out you have to take chances, to risk everything." She frowned. She did take chances, look at how she got here. She couldn't have done any of that without approaching Carmen, without being stubborn and not taking no for an answer. "You have to step outside your comfort zone to get noticed sometimes."

She knew she was right, but how? What was going to get people to notice her in a room full of Rachel Berry's?

She sat in her dorm room that night, texting Finn again as she told him all about her day. It was something she did every night. Even if he didn't respond, she felt better knowing that eventually he would get them. He most likely had to give up his phone when they locked him in and cut off his hair. She shuddered at the thought of Finn without hair on his head. She loved running her fingers through his hair when they kissed. It was one of her favorite things about him. She looked out her window at the moon above her. She never really figured out how to find her star, but she had picked out her favorite one in the sky. That was her Finn. She sighed as she found it, hovering above her. He was always watching her. Always with her. She smiled to herself as she traced a heart on the window pane, framing her star behind it. He was out there somewhere, maybe looking up at that same star and thinking about her too. She fell asleep that night, the star above her in the sky and his photo in her hands.

He was looking up at the stars from the passenger side of the SUV when he heard his mom's voice. "Honey, are you sure you know what you're doing?"

It was the same question she had asked him almost every night for the last week. They had been traveling a lot lately as they tried to dig up more information about his father's service record. It seemed that no matter how many good things his dad did, nothing was awesome enough for them to overturn their decision.

"It is the decision of the military that there is not enough evidence to overturn your father's discharge status. I'm very sorry, son." That had been a week ago; as he sat in a plain white office and listened to the Major in front of him tell him that there was nothing else that could be done. He had failed, he failed his mother, his father, and he failed himself.

It was in that moment that he knew what he had to do. He had no choice but to enlist. His mother cried for three days. She tried to talk him out of it, she begged him, she got angry and yelled at him. He got a phone call from Burt in D.C. telling him that he needed him and the shop needed him and Finn barely listened because there was no way he was getting stuck in the tire shop. He was joining the army and no one was going to talk him out of it.

He looked over at his mom and smiled, "Mom, please. It's going to be alright. You know I have to do this." She looked back toward the road and he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He looked over at the time illuminated on the dash. Rachel always texted him around this time.

He read the words on the screen. She had a rough day with her mentor; she was struggling to find a song, struggling to find her place. He didn't have it in him to respond to her. Once he lost the appeal for his father, he didn't have the energy to respond to anyone really. He didn't know what he had hoped for, maybe that he would clear his father's name and somehow everything would suddenly make sense and he could just join Rachel in New York and everything would be okay again. But it wasn't. It wasn't working out that way and he didn't know what to say to her.

They spent the night at a crappy hotel the night before he was to meet with the recruiter in Cleveland. His mom was insistent that she go with him when he signed his papers. He didn't want her to go, but he knew there was no stopping her. They got to the office early and were seated on an ugly leather couch as they waited for the Sergeant to arrive in the office.

"There's still time to go home Finn, we can walk out of here." Finn closed his eyes and his jaw clinched. He heard her sigh beside him and her small hand press into his. "Alright. You win." She said softly.

Finn got up from the couch and walked around the small office, looking at the photos of all the men who had enlisted through the office. He had seen the uniform on his wall his whole life in photos of his father, the dusty chest in his garage. It still seemed so foreign to him.

"Hudson." He turned quickly to the sharp voice standing in the doorway and he looked over at his mom who stood up from the couch.

"That's me." He said, his throat tight. "I gotta do this on my own mom." He gripped her hand tightly and then hugged her before standing up straight and following the man into his office.

"Have a seat son." He ordered and Finn sat in the seat across from the desk.

"So you want to join the Army?"

Finn nodded solemnly. "Yes sir. I want to do my part for my country, like my father did."

The man looked through the papers on his desk in front of him. "Hudson…" he said quietly. Then flipped a few more pages. "You're Gibson's boy?" Finn shook his head.

"Um, no I think you must have me confused. My dad's name was Christopher. Christopher Hudson."

The guy laughed. "Yup that's him. Good old Gibson." Finn looked at him confused. "We all called him that because he was always strumming on that beat up Gibson guitar." Finn's brow furrowed.

"Oh, uh I didn't know he played, sir. He um..he died when I was still a baby."

The man set the file down in front of him. "Sorry about that kid. You're dad was a good guy. It was a shame what happened to him when he got home." Finn shuffled in his seat.

"Yes sir. It was." His eyes drifted to the ground.

"He was a good man, Finn. No matter what happened when he got home."

Finn swallowed. "So uh, where do I sign?" He said, looking up and meeting the man in the eyes.

He narrowed his eyes at Finn and then looked back into his file. "Says here you play the drums." Finn nodded and then shrugged his shoulders. He had no idea why this guy was rambling, all he wanted to do was get this over with.

"Yes sir. Something I did a lot in my Glee club, but uh…do we just sign the papers now or…"

"Your dad sang now and then. At night. Sometimes it would be quiet and there wasn't much else we could do you know. But he would strum that old Gibson and sing us all a song."

"That's all wonderful and amazing and I'd love to hear more about it, but I was kind of thinking we could sign this so that I could get my mom home before I have to go away."

He sat back in his chair. "Why do you want to join the Army Finn?"

Finn stared at him. "I want to make a difference sir."

The man looked at him in a way that made Finn feel like he was staring right through him. "So, you've always wanted to follow in your father's footsteps then?"

Finn shook his head. "No sir, I mean, I never really thought about it until this year but what better way to honor his sacrifices than to follow in his footsteps."

"That's a beautiful sentiment kid. Really it is. What did you want to do before this year?" He flipped through the pages in his file again and Finn was starting to wonder what the guy thought he was going to find in there.

"Um, I didn't really have a plan sir. I applied to The Actors' Studio, but that's not exactly a righteous way to honor someone by being fake and stuff." He shrugged. "Besides, I didn't get in anyway so."

"So you thought you'd just join the Army instead?"

Finn gulped as the man continued to stare through him. "Well, I mean my dad…if it was good enough for him then….in some way it seems right for me to carry out what he couldn't finish."

The man grabbed a few pages out of his file and started to stamp them before pushing them across the desk toward Finn. "The Army is something you do for yourself, kid. There is no greater thing than to offer yourself up for your country. Your father was a good man. He came on hard times after facing things that no normal person can withstand. That doesn't make him any less a hero in my eyes, regardless of what the military says."

Finn sat up in his seat as the man spoke. It was the first time he realized that his heart was racing.

"Your dad used to say that one day he was going to come home and teach his son to play guitar." The corner of Finn's mouth turned up in a grin as he imagined his father teaching him to play guitar. Things would have been so different.

"You know when we were out there at night, your dad used to say that no matter how much the darkness surrounds you, you can always find the light if you just listen for it." He paused and Finn looked up. "Good man."

The room was silent as they both stared at each other in the office. Suddenly he heard "Faithfully" blaring from his phone in his pocket. He quickly grabbed it and looked down to see Rachel's name on the screen. "Sorry about that…" He said as he quickly rejected the call. "It's my fiancé, she's in New York and she usually texts me about this time." He shoved the phone in his pocket with a nervous laugh.

"That's girls for you." He pushed the paperwork toward Finn and handed him a pen. "You just want to sign…here…and here."

Finn gripped the pen in his hand and started to read the document in front of him. His hands were sweaty as he pressed the ink to the paper. Suddenly the room was filled with the sounds of "Faithfully" again and he squeezed his eyes shut as Rachel's voice reached his ears as she sang the tune through his ringtone. "Sorry about that again." He fumbled for the phone, quickly pressing the red button.

"Do you need to take that call son?"

Finn's eyes grew wide. "Um, no. No. I just need to finish this up. I can call her back."

It had been two days. Two days since Rachel had called Finn's phone just to hear his voice. She listened to it over and over. "This is Finn, you know what to do. I'll get back to you when I can." She didn't know how many times she called it. She just knew that each time she heard his voice she cried.

"It's almost your turn Rachel."

Rachel turned toward the door to see her mentor, Kate standing there. She took a deep breath and smiled. "Are you sure this is such a good idea? I could easily sing something by Barbra or something from Wicked, I'm really good with songs from that show…" Kate shook her head.

"Rachel, you're doing the right thing here. You have to let them see something from you they would never expect."

Rachel took a deep breath as she sat down in the chair, alone in the room again. She wished she could see Finn. She pulled out her phone and quickly found his name in her contacts. She pressed the button and held the receiver to her ear. "This is Finn, you know what to do. I'll get back to you when I can." She held the phone to her heart. He would get back to her, she knew he would. It didn't matter how long it took. One day they would be together again.

She quickly typed out a text to him. "I'll never surrender Finn. You're still my hero." She put the phone down on the small table and walked out to the back of the stage where she waited her turn.

She stepped out onto the stage and the music began to play. She closed her eyes and thought of Finn and when she opened them it was like she was alone in an empty room. Everything around her was silent and she let the music carry her through. She gave everything she had to the song. She surrendered to the music until everything she had came out in her voice.

When she walked off the stage, Kate was standing on the side of the stage, her smile as wide as it could get. "That is the reason you are at NYADA, Rachel. That is why you are going to be a star."

The woman hugged her and Rachel felt her entire body warm from the attention. "Thank you." She said simply as she started to walk toward the dressing room.

"Go out and have some fun tonight Rachel. You earned it."

Rachel looked back and smiled at her as she closed herself in the back room. She didn't have any friends here yet. She didn't have anyone to go out with. She didn't want to go out with anyone anyway. She only wanted one person. She immediately reached for her phone, wanting to text Finn to tell him all about the song and how she had done when she saw she had a text waiting. She was shocked when she saw Finn's name. "You're mine." Just two words were all that was on the screen but it made her heart leap a thousand miles per second.

She quickly grabbed her phone to text back when someone knocked on the door. "It's open." She yelled. She typed part of her message when the knock came again and she groaned. "I said it's open." The knock continued and she got off the couch and stomped toward the door and flung it open. "I said it's open."

All she could see was flowers in front of her face. "Oh, I'm sorry." The flowers lowered and her heart stopped when the face came into view, her mouth dropping. "F-Finn."

Finn saw her face as he lowered the flowers, it was like seeing her for the first time all over again. He had forgotten how beautiful she was, had forgotten how much her eyes glowed in the light. "Surprise." He said with a shrug before the flowers were practically tossed to the ground as she flung herself into his arms. He stepped back for a moment, trying to catch his balance before they toppled over into the hallway. She pulled back and looked up at him, her eyes wide as her hands touched his hair.

"Oh my God they didn't cut off your hair. How are you even here? Are you already done with basic training? I've missed you so much."

He quickly leaned over and pressed his lips to hers, something he had been dying to do since the moment he saw her face. She stilled in his arms, nothing but the feeling of her lips on his and her hands on his cheek. When he pulled back he smiled and took her hand as he led her toward the couch and sat down.

"Did you know my dad played the guitar?" She shook her head, her fingers lacing with his as he spoke. "I didn't either. Apparently the guys in his command called him "Gibson" because he played this old beat up acoustic Gibson. All the guys liked him too, did you know that?" She shook her head again and smiled at him. "I couldn't clear his name. I tried."

She frowned. "Finn, I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "No it's ok. I know who he was. He was a hero to so many people. Not just to the people he pulled out of harms way, but just to people he talked to. He just lost his way." He looked down at their hands. "He lost his way, and he stopped hearing the music. He stopped playing. And he lost his way. My mom didn't even know he played the guitar. He never touched one when he got back from the war." He looked back up and found her eyes. "The thing is I was sitting in the recruiters station, ready to sign my papers when my phone rang." He squeezed her hand in his. "I still have that recording from us from regionals in tenth grade." He laughed lightly. "But I heard your voice. Even in the darkness, you can always find the light if you just listen." He said softly.

She stared at him confused. "I don't understand Finn."

"I thought I had to join the Army to make him proud of me. To somehow prove that he was a hero too. I was so sure that I hadn't found my dream because I had failed him."

Rachel shook her head. "Finn, you didn't..." He held his hand up to her mouth.

"I'm talking now. Just listen." He said with a grin. "The point is, joining the Army wasn't my dream. I can't look for my future in the past. The past is buried. My future is here."

Her eyes lit up as she bit her lip. "Finn are you sure?"

He nodded. "I don't even know what I'm going to do yet, but I know I don't want to be away from music." He paused and then touched her cheek. "I don't want to be away from you. And I guess…I guess we'll just have to figure it out even though I really have no idea what the heck the next step is or what I'm supposed to be doing at this point." He could feel the panic start to rise in his throat again as he spoke the words, admitting that he still had no idea what he needed to do for his life to make sense.

She looked up at him and he felt her hands on his cheeks as he closed his eyes. "Finn Hudson, look at me." He opened his eyes and her fingers brushed his hair and rested on his earlobe. "You know what we're going to do?" She smiled brightly as he listened. "We're going to sit here, and surrender." He shook his head and the grin grew on his face. "Can you do that with me Finn, can you surrender?"


End file.
